I found this diary entry today as I have been sifting through all my musings, ramblings and especially my mood charts etc. The reason I wrote this entry is because it was ONE dream. I only had one dream for the whole night. For three years I have mostly experienced very rapid dreams all night – like a speeding bullet train, the dreams come and go so fast but I seem to be able to remember fragments of them all and wake up exhausted. This particular night it was one dream. It felt like progress.
Rapid dreaming for me is a sign to buckle up and ride the wave – it’s been like that forever and I often wonder what others with Bipolar experience in relation to dreams. I don’t participate in any mental illness forums nowadays as I find it depressing. I already know there are so many of us – I don’t find comfort in that. I don’t want to focus on it all the time – but more often than not it’s impossible to not focus on it – because I live it each day. It has gotten worse as I get older. Funny that – the research says that it normally gets a bit better as you get older. I call bullshit. But I am better on meds – that is something I am sure on.
Anyway that’s my musing for the day.
Diary entry May 21st 2018
I spoke to dad last night.
He drove up onto the front yard and was getting Mason out of the car.
Kenny was there too but I didn’t want to talk to him, so I got dad to walk with me down the side of the house – I needed to tell him about the chick who had died in our house.
I spotted mum as well – she was running in the backyard. Kenny kept following us though so I didn’t get a chance to talk much to dad.
Then I woke up at 7 AM feeling really anxious. Oh, it was a dream. Dad’s dead. I haven’t seen my brother Kenny in more than two years – since dad died and I was left caring for mum. The dream of her (mum) running was so bloody real. It was good to see her like that though – no brain injury, no cancer.