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It’s here. The dreaded lethargic apathetic depression. God I hate it – it always lasts for so long. I don’t have energy or motivation. I don’t want to talk to people and I generally feel like crap.
After being manic it’s just such a heavy feeling. Don’t get me wrong – the mania was pretty crap this time round too. I was unmedicated and extremely irritated, spent way too much money that I could ill afford and did way too much – but on the plus side I was not psychotic and did not do anything outlandish. But the depression makes me feel so lazy and of course that fucks with the head with the constant messages telling me what a piece of shit I am.
My anxiety is through the roof. I just about come undone when someone comes to my door. I rarely answer the phone – seriously they can leave a message. I don’t have too much trouble calling them back, I just don’t like being the one to answer a call. I also find that my anxiety exhibits as extreme irritability. I don’t live alone so that makes me feel guilty.
As a carer I have to do certain things and that alone chews up all of my energy reserves. So here’s hoping the dreaded D doesn’t stick around for too long and that I can enjoy some time feeling ‘normal’.
I prefer to write here because I often get more insight to my brain and it often makes me feel not quite so bad.
They say we should talk about mental health – so here’s my version. Talking to you – the reader.